If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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