I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
third nipple confirmed
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
