I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
