I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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