some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
