hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i came on her dog
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
So. Much. Porn.
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