Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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