Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
