You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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