when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
