wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
