I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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