I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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