I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I love having hate sex.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
