she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
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We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
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We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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