How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
