the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
