I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
