Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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