just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I need moral support for this bender
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
