I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
