Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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