Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
