All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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