Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
