peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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