I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
