Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
