I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
