I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
