You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
