can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
