If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
