I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
