So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
