I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So much Jack, so little girl.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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