he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
