we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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