First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
