Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
