i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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