you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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