People in love make me want to vomit
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
