My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
