if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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