last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize