Everything about him screamed your future.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
