now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
