I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
