I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
