I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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