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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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