Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
