I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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