he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
