why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
