I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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