You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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