I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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