The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
