I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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