someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
