i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The Olympian is in my bed
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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