I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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