I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
