So drunk its hurt
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
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She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
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Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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