While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
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the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
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Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.