Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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