My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I will pee on everything he values.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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