At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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