After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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