Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
