Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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