Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
