Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
