I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
