Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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