i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
