I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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