Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
