Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
