just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
A bitchslap is in order.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
