White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
