Can i not drive my cunt home
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
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she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
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Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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